My one time Queen, allow me to say Hi from down here, in the lands of beggars and prisoners of love. I’m sorry this letter will not be friendly and sweet of me as you’ve always imagined. May I also warn you that you take a better position if you must read it. And if you think you can’t bear the truth, please turn the leaf and lets start a new life.
There’s one thing I should have told you before: in my house, I decided to build an extra cabinet, not for books and files but your thousand letters. I have even named it, “Julia”, because you are not fiction, or science, or a novel to me, but a lesson and a subject to learn on what love is. I didn’t want to tell you that I store your letters and that I have read all. If I had responded, I know how egoistic you are, and you’d fool yourself that you still the superior here.
When I first met you, I didn’t know the names “together” and “forever”. You introduced me to a life I never knew about. I just wanted us to be friends, but you insisted we could not be friends “forever” If we were to be “together”. You wanted us to be more than just friends, and even started introducing me to your friends. Worst, you used me to put off your ex-boyfriend, and it worked for both of us. I reciprocated. We called ourselves, “forever-together”. Now tell me, you hate that name again? Yet you were the one who started it? Get back to your senses hunnie.
I’m am not this kind of person to lush blames like I’m feeding some dirty pigs in their pathetic sty. That night, when you called to say you couldn’t make it home because you car had broken down, were you really telling me the truth? Were you not with Melville, my best friend, just two blocks away from our house? Don’t you think I didn’t know that you were cheating on me with him? Really babe?
You call me a selfish maniac, who just wants everything to myself. Yes, you are right. You are right because that’s your perception on me. I better be so if it means keeping me satisfied. So, how did you want me to be? A hopeless, hungry and angry man who loved a moving stalk of maize? Do you think I would trade my love for some ungrateful devil with hooliganism linked to her soul? What would I gain for that? If you think you’re too smart to be licked to the gut, why don’t you shut your breathe for those ten minutes…. No, three minutes, and see if you’d live again? My friend, you will die, and you will miss me in your dreams.
It’s OK to fix yourself, of course from your past mistakes. You know why? I found you with nothing but your name and your pretty face when we met. You didn’t know how to spell “procrastination”, because that’s the mood you owned. I fixed you in the first place, gave you a home-in my heart, I have you my title, to be my Queen, I saved you several pairs of shoes, by fuelling your Mercedes every time you didn’t ask…. Isn’t that too much generosity? I’m surprised that you still sob at night. Looks to me like you are going back to your old behavior, you not fixing yourself yet, that’s childish babe. Or maybe that’s your fashion way of still wanting to be with this man… Or may be you miss me.
“Treasures”. This was the film we watched on our first weekend when we travelled to the South Beach. It reminds me a lot, especially when you said I was better in acting love, than Ramsey of the film. You made me believe you, though I’m learning you never meant a word then. You said you’d love me and never leave, no matter what mistakes I would make. You promised to understand me, to forgive my faults, to build us… But still didn’t keep your word. Do you think promising me such big world would easily fade away in my heart? Who do you think I am, Jesus Christ?
I begin to think I’m with myself, even when all the picture frames in the house shine your teeth and gorgeous smile and dimples. I used to frown when I went to bed because I felt I missed you. I thought by putting them to all corners of the house would make me feel safe and that it would bring you back. But it didn’t. And you know what, I don’t give a Damn about them anymore. I painted my house a new color, and when I look at those frames, aaarrrrggghhh!!!…they make my living room and bedroom insecure, ugly and boring. I was planning to put them in the washroom to scare visitors from accessing the facility and reduce my official visits. Yeah, that’s their right place. Isn’t it?
Yeah, it’s true you love me Julia. But I don’t who you are anymore. I thought I would try and get you back, but ain’t working anymore. I don’t even think whether you have any bit of humanity in you. Because you don’t and I can feel it. But I can tell you miss me, this smiley face, and tasty tongue. You miss me because you still love me. But again you think you have no place for me. Nooo, you are wrong Julia. I have taken you back to my life several times and I have never wanted to keep your mistakes because I treat you special. But I am not begging anymore, but think… About us.
Man is to error, and everyone deserves a second chance.
This story is adapted as a response to https://mirabelaw.wordpress.com/2017/07/14/julias-letter-002/